I Just Don't Care

 U.S. MARSHALS (1998)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If you are going to cast Tommy Lee Jones in a movie, especially as Sam Gerard (the U.S. Marshal who went after Harrison Ford's Dr. Kimble in "The Fugitive") then give him ample opportunity to relish the role with humor and gravitas. "U.S. Marshals" is a nondescript, slavishly mediocre action movie that might have satisfied anyone who never saw "The Fugitive." Jones is certainly up to the task but it doesn't seem sufficient to hold this movie together. This is not a recommendation.

Jones as Gerard is now in pursuit of an ex-government agent (Wesley Snipes) who killed two federal agents in an underground parking garage with either his bare hands or he shot them (the movie never quite makes that clear). There is no doubt that Snipes' character killed them yet he claims self-defense (the blurry surveillance video looks about as clear as pixelated footage of missiles firing targets from the Gulf War). Gerard never once has any doubt that Snipes is guilty so the tension of the cat-and-mouse game that was so thrilling in "The Fugitive" is lost here. 

"U.S. Marshals" has extraneous supporting characters including the lovely Irene Jacob ("The Double Life of Veronique") whose role here as Snipes' girlfriend is the very definition of thankless. So is Kate Nelligan as Gerard's boss and possibly ex-lover. Robert Downey Jr. is efficient as an agent assigned to the case though you know he is dirty from the first scene onwards. The Marshals team is far more colorful though they have too few humorous interactions with Gerard. We are saddled with Snipes hiding out in swampy waters, apartment dwellings, and running consistently including an unbelievable stunt where he lands on an elevated subway car from a rooftop that not even Jackie Chan could accomplish. The plane crash at the beginning is something to see yet it just stands out as an elaborate special-effect.

"U.S. Marshals" is overlong, overstuffed and difficult to care about. When it's over, you'll long to go back and see "The Fugitive" all over again.     

Priest as typical Schrader loner

 FIRST REFORMED (2017)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

A priest who struggles to maintain faith in a world where it barely manifests, maybe only rarely surfaces, is a subject I always had a vested interest in. Writer-director Paul Schrader is the man who understands religion as faith and the difficulty of having beliefs teetering on a vulnerable clothesline. "First Reformed" is that faith healer type of story, though it segues into semi-familiar Schrader territory where potential violence is the solution. 

Ethan Hawke is ideally cast as Reverend Toller, a priest who tends to a rather small Dutch Reformed church in Snowbridge, Albany, NY. The church itself is a tourist attraction where Toller explains to the few who enter about its history in the area, especially being a stop during the Underground Railroad days. He doesn't seem to get many followers at this church, other than the neighboring mega church known as Abundant Life. Toller is seemingly the classic Schrader loner, always writing in his journal about his daily activities and spiritual thoughts. He gets special attention from one parishioner, a Mary Mensana (a highly effective turn by Amanda Seyfried), who wants Toller to visit her troubled husband, a radical environmentalist who is deeply aware of the climate crisis we face. Toller counsels him, trying to spread some shred of optimism, ensuring him that doom and gloom is not all there is.

"First Reformed" is a most curious character study by Schrader, and it is never clear where Toller's mind goes. A priest who has reformed himself from his dark past has valid questions about the church and its place in the world of deep faith. The Dutch Reformed church has precious little attendance, yet the Abundant Life church has many donors and is it a fulfilling holy place or one that only preaches something it doesn't practice? Toller starts to question his faith only in terms of what good it really does for anyone. He becomes close to Mary and their intimacy, after her husband commits suicide, is strong. Does Toller start to believe in Mary's husband and his own belief system in the rotten climate deniers of the world? Can the world be a better place if we get rid of segments of the population who don't have our best interests at heart?

"First Reformed" asks deep philosophical questions yet I did not buy Toller's abrupt change towards the end - I did not sense enough buildup for such a holy man to partake in a drastic move. Still, despite an unsatisfying change of heart in Toller, Schrader's "First Reformed" should not be ignored. Often powerful and simply, lucidly told, recalling the religious works and tone of Carl Dreyer and Ingmar Bergman in their religious pictures, "First Reformed" is also further proof of the strong, vital Ethan Hawke who is one of the few actors of the last two decades making challenging works of cinema. I pray he and Schrader continue their well-chosen paths. 

ZZZZ-slithering on the screen

 SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006)
Endured by Jerry Saravia

"Snakes on a Plane" is a torturous test of endurance, the kind of movie that makes you hate cinema for allowing B-movies of this kind to exist. I don't object to the central idea summed up beautifully in a blunt title, but I do object to the movie's tedium and over-the-top gore supplied by largely CGI-enhanced snakes. That...and a title song video that plays next to the end credits. Ugh.

The movie begins with a couple of thrilling surfing shots, followed by a motorbike travelling at top speeds from an overhead shot that goes on forever. So far, not bad and this is about as thrilling as "Snakes on a Plane" gets. There's Samuel L. Jackson as a top-of-the-line FBI agent who rescues a young surfer from imminent death - the kid was a witness to the vicious murder of a prosecutor by some Asian mob leader. Now the kid is in danger after getting shot at in his home and is due to travel by plane to L.A. to testify against this kingpin, escorted by Jackson and another FBI agent. It turns out that the kingpin's minions have loaded a cargo of illegal, deadly cobras and other snakes from around the world. There is a time-release trap door that lets them loose all over the plane and they start hissing and biting any and every passenger on board. An anonymous couple have sex in the bathroom and a snake drops in and on them. Another snake worms its way through the inside of a woman's clothes as she sleeps, and clearly she thinks something else is happening. Holy sexual innuendos! Before long, Samuel L. Jackson utters his trademark ubiquitous one-liner that was made famous from the trailers, and I was ready to check out and have a nap.

"Snakes on a Plane" could have been an infectious B-movie but it is a grating chore to sit through. The movie begins on overdrive and I was sort of into it, until they got into the plane. Sure, there are enough cobras of every variety to scare the pants off of Indiana Jones but I was not amazed, thrilled or scared by any of the slithering, poisonous creatures - mostly just nauseated. The snakes slither through the screen like props and there is not much suspense either - we see them coming, the victims don't see them, and then the attack happens. One woman's eye socket is penetrated by a snake and another one crushes a man to death. The latter victim is some arrogant businessman who thinks nothing of throwing a woman's chihuahua at the snakes to stop them from advancing. I did not feel for that crappy businessman afterwards.

It is fun seeing Kenan Thompson as a rapper's bodyguard who turns out to have flying experience thanks to video games, but it is gravely disappointing to see Samuel L. Jackson running around without saying anything memorable (the search in the cargo hold to turn on the plane's refrigeration system back on is right out of "Jurassic Park," which also starred Sam the Man). If Jackson is indifferent to the chaos and if we see that Julianna Margulies is left on the screen to be nothing more than the comforting airline attendant, then it is no surprise how empty-headed and indifferent one will feel watching it. "Snakes on a Plane" was a massive Internet phenomenon but so was "The Blair Witch Project" and which one do you think I prefer?

Old-fashioned with purple tights

 THE PHANTOM (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I used to read the Phantom comics back in my native Uruguay every weekend. My grandfather was also a fan and read the comic in our newspaper, always mentioning this hero with extreme delight. I was always excited by this masked hero and his jungle exploits, and what kid wouldn't be. Watching 1996's "The Phantom" put me right back in the mindframe of an excited 6 year-old and what is most exciting about "The Phantom" isn't just its rousing titular hero - it is that is unashamed in showing us dastardly villains, some pirates in a lair that could easily be right out of "The Goonies" and a few exotic dames (including an early role for Catherine Zeta-Jones) as an extra bonus. "The Phantom" is just pure old-fashioned fun with its old-fashioned heart in the right place.

Billy Zane is our masked, purple-tights hero, the Phantom aka Kit Walker who lives in his fortress of solitude somewhere in Bengalla. There is also Xander Trax (Treat Williams who is delightfully evil, reminding one of Timothy Dalton's similarly devious role in "The Rocketeer"), a tycoon who believes any and anyone can be bought. Well, of course, welcome to woeful capitalism in the years following the Great Depression. He wants possession of three Phantom skulls that when combined, well, you know with great power comes great villainy. It later turns out that three skulls are not enough but why carp over cracked skulls mythology. The Phantom himself knows more than Trax about that power which largely emits deadly lasers. Why do these unimaginative powerful villains always think of artifacts in terms of advanced weaponry and nothing else? 

That's about the only real question this movie never answers. But I don't go to see pulpy adventure tales like "The Phantom" for philosophical questions - I go for escapist fun and adventure in serial-esque fashion. From director Simon Wincer, he acquits himself beautifully with some rousing action scenes including the Phantom running from bad guys by springing on top of taxis to finally setting afoot at the local zoo where he pets a tiger. There is also a terrific elevator scene that is almost on par with the claustrophobic thrills of the first "Die Hard" movie. Need I forget to mention a truck holding a child rescued by the Phantom as they are dangling on top of a collapsing rope bridge? How about a seaplane where the Phantom rescues his ex-girlfriend, Diana Palmer (Kristy Swanson), as they are ready to jump off onto his white horse named Hero? Of course, evading villains no matter what mode of transportation is never enough when they just happen to find you. Yep, it is that kind of movie.

"The Phantom" is smoothly directed by Simon Wincer with just enough finesse to make one giddy with the movie's many thrilling action setpieces. There is also sufficiently sly humor by the late screenwriter Jeffrey Boam ("Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," "Lethal Weapon 2") to make this more than a worthwhile pulp effort. Pulpy all the way, in production design and in its authentic 1930's flavor with a hero who has an insatiable appetite for getting into trouble and two dames who know how to fight back, "The Phantom" is not a great movie but it is a superbly fun time at the movies. You just might pinch yourself at the end. 

Loving You Tender, Tuesday

 HEARTBREAK HOTEL (1988)

Reminiscence by Jerry Saravia

My father was an absolute diehard Elvis Presley fan. He loved Elvis as much as any other rock and roll singer, and there are legions that can say the same thing. My father was born in 1942 so Elvis became a big sensation even in our native born country of Uruguay. He also used to own several original Elvis LP's but couldn't bring most of them when we moved to Canada in the 1970's. Anything Elvis-related he saw, that included all Elvis movies including the ones that he knew failed. My recollection in the 1980's is that we saw "This is Elvis" twice in theaters - an essential documentary for any fans of the King (and he did not know at the time that many scenes were flawlessly recreated). However, my fondest memory of seeing an Elvis movie with my father is one that didn't star the King at all. It is the campy, glossy, fictional fairy-tale known as "Heartbreak Hotel." 

Sure, it is pretty much a one-joke movie with a superb premise that is never truly fully realized. Sideburns Elvis in 1972 (well-played by David Keith, though not bearing much of the King's likeness) is kidnapped by some teenage kids and one of them, Johnny Wolfe (Charlie Schlatter), is a wannabe rock and roller who doesn't care for the King's music or swagger. Johnny kidnapped Elvis to keep his mom happy who is dating guys of low repute (the mother, often bathed in golden hues, is played by a vibrant Tuesday Weld who actually appeared in one Elvis flick, "Wild in the Country"). Lo and behold, Elvis is upset after he wakes up and discovers what has happened but then goes along with Johnny's plan. Johnny still finds little of Elvis relevant to his world. Johnny's mother, Marie, adores Elvis and so does Marie's young daughter (Angela Goethals) who doesn't want to turn off her nightlight. Can Elvis convince the young girl to turn off her nightlight? Can Elvis make Marie's dreams of having him live in her Flaming Star hotel? Can Elvis teach Johnny some tight pelvis moves on stage? Will there be a fight in a cafe with a jukebox that imitates a classic scene from "Loving You"?  And where else in the history of Elvis will you find Elvis actually mowing the lawn!

The movie is nothing spectacular, simply a sweet little fairy-tale of the "what if?" variety. The script and direction by Chris Columbus is a little flat, though I did love the final shot of fog rushing by as Elvis boards his plane. It is something out of an adolescent's dream taken out of a teenager's scrapbook and, on that level, it works (that shot, incidentally, reminded me of "La Bamba" when Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens took off on that ill-fated plane ride). I am sure my father is smiling knowing I remember this slightly bizarre theatrical experience. All hail the King! 

Interactive Demonic CD-ROM

 BRAINSCAN (1994)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Brainscan" is frequently a laugh-a-minute riot, though one can take it seriously at first if so inclined. Or maybe listen to a Primus song, as does the Trickster in one unintentionally funny moment, and learn that this is all fun and games. Only "Brainscan" has such a novel idea, so perfect for a horror film - the very notion of entering an interactive game world that flirts between reality and fiction - that it should work wonders with imagination and style. Those last two superlatives are applicable to the Trickster, a sort of Alice Cooper variation on Freddy Krueger, but not the movie which is standard, mostly watchable fare at best.

Edward Furlong is Michael, a largely sour-faced 15-year-old kid with an irascible demeanor who lives at home alone and has technological equipment that seems vaguely futuristic for 1994 (the computer has a built-in phone operated by voice commands). His father is away on business so Michael has to fend for himself, like drinking milk and eating candy while looking at his video monitor and playing the latest virtual reality games where it is all about death, death and death. In fact, at his high-school, Michael has started a little horror club where they watch silly horror films, presumably from the 1960's, and one of them is titled "Death, Death, Death Part 2." The principal despises the club and ends it. Michael is then convinced by his best friend, Kyle (Jamie Marsh), to play Brainscan, the newest in terrifying interactive games on CD-ROM. Michael is sure it will suck since he has played all sorts of blood-splattered games. He has spoken too soon.

The game itself involves a first-person narrative where the player gets a knife and stabs someone to death while they sleep, and then proceeds to amputate the victim's foot for good measure. Wow, what a great game. This is where imagination and style take a backseat except the murder seems to actually occur and if Michael doesn't play his cards right, he could be targeted by the police unless he kills the witnesses. 

The Trickster manifests through the interactive game and he appears as a monstrously deformed, jokey variation on a heavy-metal rocker with a pinkish-red mohawk who has played too many ballads. T. Ryder Smith as the Trickster is photographed too cleanly and is so brightly lit that it leaves no real mystery to this offbeat creation. Edward Furlong never convinces as Michael, not for a second, and thus we develop very little sympathy for the alleged hero. Michael is simply a boring kid who no rational person would want to spend 2 minutes with. 

Still, "Brainscan" is not boring and it is relatively tightly paced, keeping you glued to the screen (the haunting music score by George S. Clinton though deserves a better movie). The virtual reality stuff is nothing new yet it is sort of a thrilling ride. I do like the Trickster and his affinity for Primus - it is the most novel idea in the entire movie.  

Ennui for the sake of it

 PERMANENT VACATION (1980)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Jim Jarmusch's first independent feature starts off as a semi-jazzy riff on Charlie Parker with its visual look of urban decay in the Lower East Side of New York. It starts off so well, so in tune with the ennui of finding yourself as its main character drifts through the city seemingly from one street to the next that I was hooked. And, slowly but surely, I became unhooked.

Jarmusch's loner character is Allie Parker (Chris Parker), a young man fixated on Charlie Parker and nothing else. He looks like a Beatnik from the 1950's and looks adrift in the New York of late 70's. His opening voiceover narration suggests a guy who likes a new environment, specifically rooms, and then gets so used to it that dread eventually sets in. That's it, that's the revelation he makes about himself other than naming his possible future child after Charlie Parker. He lives with his sourpuss of a girlfriend (Leila Gastil) who sits by the window of her tenement building, smokes and has nothing much to say. Neither does Allie who plays jazz on her radio cassette player and dances. Allie has no interests and nothing to do - he is parading in a world where there is nothing to be excited by nor are there any interesting prospects. He refuses to work or to sleep, and has no interest in being confined to any single place. I would think the electricity of New York City would be enough to keep anyone motivated to do...something of interest. Not for Allie who visits his institutionalized mother, and peruses his former home that looks like it has been bombed out (he claims the Chinese bombed it) and finds some guy living there who thinks a war is raging outside of this condemned former home. For any sense of excitement, Allie steals a car and sells it for 800 dollars so he can leave New York in a ferry. Wow, just wow. 

Director Jim Jarmusch has dealt with ennui brilliantly in other films like "Stranger Than Paradise" and "Down By Law," largely due to offbeat characters whom he gave ample breathing room. Here, there is Allie and he's the least interesting Jarmusch character I've ever witnessed. Granted this was Jarmusch's first feature made on a shoestring but even the people Allie runs into don't hold much interest (John Lurie appears and plays the sax, and that's about it). There is nothing to gravitate to, nothing to chew on, and the ennui simply becomes tiresome. For Jarmusch fans, it is worth checking out but anyone else will simply be bored out of their skulls.