Shoestring Bram Stoker porn

DRACULA (THE DIRTY OLD MAN) (1969)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

If you ever wondered what Dracula might be up to if he lived in a cave outside of Los Angeles, then "Dracula The Dirty Old Man" might serve as a convenient answer. Shot on the single half of a shoestring budget, this soft-core porn flick (pardon, I meant a skinflick) is so crummy and vile that not much enjoyment can be derived from it.

Count Dracula (Vince Kelly) is named Count Alucard (the name given to Lon Chaney Jr.'s Count back in "Son of Dracula" from 1943), and he lives in his coffin in a cave out in the desert with two torches on each side of the coffin. It ain't Carfax Abbey but it will do. Why he chooses not to mix in with the L.A. crowd is one of several thousand questions that pop up in this movie. For whatever reason, the Count visits suburban homes, standing outside womens' bedrooms, looking for nubile women who might look good naked. But he needs help and receives it from a local reporter (Billy Whitton) who looks like an insurance salesman. Good old Count changes him into a werewolf and calls him Irving Jackelmann. The Count sends Jackelmann off looking for women for the Count to sink his teeth into, specifically in the breast.

The movie begins with the most absurd narration this side of the Ed Wood, Jr. fence, with some nonsense about one blue mountain and then another, and another. I did not realize until the end of this 67-minute atrocity that it is the reporter's narration, not the Count (the voices seem have to be done by the same actor). None of the clearly post-dubbed lines of dialogue match anything the characters say (apparently the recorded sound was so horrendous, it needed to be redubbed). So the filmmakers change the whole tone into a comedy (though the appearance of the Count is so ludicrous, it could only pass for comedy). Unfortunately, the movie has several sex scenes and one with the Jackelmann that is so disturbing and drags on for far too long (let's say it is narcoleptic) that it uses humor to make us forget the vile act itself (it doesn't work). And watching Dracula lick his lips with eye-rolling delight becomes tedious.

"Dracula the Dirty Old Man" had been rescued from obscurity by the Something Weird video label. If it had not been for them, the movie would have been forgotten and placed in a trash disposal somewhere. As it stands, there are worse skinflicks and you might get a couple of chuckles out of it but there is superior fare that needs to be rescued from obscurity.

Footnote: according to imdb, this 1969 flick is listed as the last credit for the film director and cast.