Gay-themed Killers from Space

DON'T ASK DON'T TELL (2002)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Mystery Science Theatre" was the first TV show to ever mock bad movies by filming actors voicing their rants and raves. Now imagine a movie where a bad movie's initial intentions are eradicated by inserting a whole new storyline, new voices to match the original actors and newly inserted scenes. It's been done before with Woody Allen's "What's Up Tiger Lily?" back in 1969 and some more obscure efforts since, but "Don't Ask Don't Tell" ratchets it up a few notches by making a statement about sexual orientation in America in the 21st century. It does so with lots of laughs, too.

The movie in question is 1954's "Killers From Space," a science-fiction thriller that starred the young Peter Graves. Except this movie is not strictly about aliens but rather about gays! Some sort of alien laser is changing straight people into gays and Graves, playing a scientist known as Dr. Fartin (voiced by Erik Frandsen), is the latest victim after an unsuccessful mission to Operation Manhole. He becomes bewildered, distraught, can't walk straight and keeps saying everything is "fabulous." Dr. Fartin will not make love to his wife Ellen (Barbara Bestar, voice of Rosa Rugosa), which proves frustrating especially after numerous attempts to entice him by lifting her skirt. Finally, she consults the help of a German doctor who advises her to try more provocative poses. The military, represented by Colonel Butts and Major Problemo, try to find out how the good doctor got himself into this mess. They also recommend the best solutions to regaining his straight, virile self. One solution had me laughing out loud: "Did you try driving a tow truck?"

So we have truly bug-eyed aliens, provocative nurses named Nurse Bendover, sexual shenanigans involving blueberries and pancakes, townsfolk from Inbred, Texas, a few cracks at the Bush administration (including a portrait of Ike that morphs into Bush), a Freudian shrink, and so much more. The best moments center on the new lines given to these forgotten actors from the 1950's (excepting Peter Graves, who had narrated TV's "Biography"). Thanks to editor Jackie Eagan, most of it is quite seamless, though the depth of field for sound could have been better (it sounds like the actors are just speaking into the mikes). There is one great gag where Colonel Butts shows how menacing he is by indicating that everything except his eyes are masked (masking was a common editing effect since the silent era). Nice touch. And I also enjoyed the scenes of a toll-booth attendant (or was he a gas-station attendant?) giving the latest information on Fartin's whereabouts. And for gratuitous musical number fans, there is one involving the aliens that will rock your boat.

Now, of course, this is all as silly and overdone as one can expect. Comedian Lloyd Floyd, who appears in the newly shot and inserted scenes, plays a bunch of different characters like Nurse Bendover and other inhabitants devoid of intelligence from Inbred, Texas. They are not side-splittingly funny and some simply mark time. The sexual innuendoes and shots of crotches may induce more groans than laughs. And repeated use of the same close-up head shots of the military figures grows monotonous after a while.

Still, "Don't Ask Don't Tell" is a goofy, often hysterical time at the movies. Director Doug Miles and writer Tex Hauser infuse the 1954 film with a refreshingly comical and sordid tone. As for satire, it makes the claim that homosexuality is not something that should be feared, and acceptance can grow even in the military. Sounds like it has more up its sleeve than "Killers From Space."