Glad Darkman retired

DARKMAN III: DIE DARKMAN DIE (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Some sequels never even try to match up to the originals. "Darkman II: The Return of Durant" is one of the least inspired sequels ever made, especially when you consider what a perfect beginning, middle and bittersweet conclusion the original "Darkman" had. "Darkman III: Die Darkman Die" (talk about an uninspired title to boot) was shot around the same time as the second film, though this movie was supposed to be number 2. Sometimes I can't tell which one of my turds is supposed to have ejected first, the second one or the humongous third one so I can see where the filmmakers got confused with their own cinematic waste.

Arnold Vosloo reprises his role as Dr. Westlake, the scarred avenger of the streets who is seeking a liquid skin concoction for a face mask that will last longer than 99 minutes. He apparently steals cash from drug lords and drug deals gone bad to help finance his scientific research, which I guess proves that a freakishly disfigured man in a black trenchcoat and hat can't work any menial job unless it is in the circus. Jeff Fahey gets top billing this time, as the snarliest, smoothest drug lord I've seen in a long time. He plays classical piano yet ignores his wife and daughter, and has open affairs without a shred of remorse. Fahey is the star of this movie and is good enough to make one wish he played Dr. Westlake, but hey, I am not in the casting department for direct-to-video movies so what do I know. Vosloo is not the right fit to play an angry, avenging hero with the strength to beat a hundred men. He looks like someone who should be running a restaurant.

There is one truly galvanizing moment in "Darkman III." The good doctor adopts a face mask of Fahey's character. He attends a surprise birthday party for Fahey where the song "Up Where We Belong" plays in the background, as he caresses the frustrated wife. It is an alarming, almost enchanting moment with a dose of welcome humor. It lasts a whole ten seconds or less. You still got less than 9,900 seconds to go.