Never say no to Connery

NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (1983)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

In 1983, after a twelve-year absence, Sean Connery returned to the role that made him famous: the suave secret spy James Bond. He returned with the smoothness and incalculable presence of the true spy hero we have all come to know and love. "Never Say Never Again" was the ironic title but, outside of Connery and one of the best damn Bond villains ever, the movie is only fitfully exciting and nowhere near as engrossing or as thrilling as Connery's earlier Bond pictures.

James Bond is now a teacher who is asked to complete a strict regiment of diet and exercise at a health farm. He has poisoned his body with too many toxins, including red meat, white bread and dry martinis. "Well, I shall cut out the white bread," says Mr. Bond. Heck, can you imagine Bond not drinking a dry martini? At the health farm, Bond gets wind of trouble when a certain Fatima Blush (Barbara Carrera) is beating the holy hell out of some poor schmoe who refuses to scan his eye! Turns out the poor schmoe is...well, if you have seen "Thunderball," you'll know this is an outright remake. Why they chose to remake "Thunderball" is beyond me (something about a contractual obligation) but the plot involves SPECTRE putting the world at ransom after stealing two nuclear missiles. They acquired these missiles thanks to the poor schmoe's fake eye that replicates The President of the United States's right eye! Bond is asked into service to spy on a key figure in this crisis, the suave Largo (Klaus Maria Brandeur), who owns a beautiful ship called "The Flying Saucer" where he can monitor his missiles and have nice conversations with dear old Blofeld (Max Von Sydow). Of course, Bond must also evade Fatima's charms and explosives, play a deadly computer game where the risks mean greater electrical shocks, survive shark attacks, do the tango with Largo's babelicious Kim Basinger, practice massage therapy, use his laser wristwatch to get out of jams, and so on.

I could say that if you have seen one Bond film, you've seen them all. The difference is that Connery's Bond brings back the charm and danger of the real superspy, the man we believed could kill without much provocation. It is the danger element that was missing from Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton's portrayals - Connery has it in spades.

To complement Connery's performance, we have the witty, sneak, mad Largo played by Brandeur. It is a performance of uncontrollable rage and genuine pathos. Look carefully at two scenes he shares with Basinger (playing the good Bond girl, Domino). One has Domino asking Largo what he would do if she left him - "I'll cut your throat," he says as he kisses her. The other tense scene has Largo giving her a priceless artifact to only then destroy it. "You are crazy," says Domino. "Yes, maybe I am," replies Largo. Brandeur and screenwriter Lorenzo Semple, Jr. bring a frightening quality to Largo - acknowledgement of one's own evil. We want him dead yet we feel pity for him. Of all the Bond villains I have seen, Brandeur's Largo may be the most memorable and the most threatening to Bond.

It would have been wonderful to bring back Desmond Llewelyn as the real expert inventor Q (this time played by Alex McCowen), having one last go at humiliating Connery's Bond with his expert knowledge of all gadgets. McCowen is fine but somehow his line deliveries are not as engaging. There is also a new Miss Moneypenny and a new Felix Leitner (interestingly played by Bernie Casey) but both actors pale in comparison to their original counterparts. Only Edward Fox has the right touch as M.

"Never Say Never Again" is not as exciting or as intriguing as Connery's earlier Bonds (the finale is awkward involving an underwater fight) but it will do for Connery fans. This is more of a relaxed action thriller than most - the perfect film to watch with a dry martini.