Rated D for Dumb

ALPHABET CITY (1984)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Alphabet City" is a great-looking failure. It is an ostensibly gritty crime picture with flashy neon, bright street lamps, and bright and shiny ambulances - even the cavernous drug-dealing dwellings look inviting. It is a glossy crime movie and if only it were made with someone who had a tenth of Michael Mann or Mike Figgis's talent. The director here is Amos Poe, who can't write convincing dialogue or have much ability to direct actors.

Johnny (Vincent Spano) is the resident drug dealer of Alphabet City, a section of New York City that is divided up by Avenues A, B, C and so on. His drug-dealing begins early evening and presumably lasts the whole night. Johnny wears a whole leather get-up that looked cheesy even in the 1980's. His wife (Kate Vernon, her film debut) works on her paintings all night and raises their baby in a gigantic loft.

Bad news has arrived in Johnny's life when his boss tells him to torch an apartment building. The problem is that Johnny's little sister (Jami Gertz), an escort in the making, and his oblivious mother (Zohra Lampert) are living in that building! Meanwhile, Johnny spends the rest of the night collecting money from lowlifes and has to contend with a young kid who wants Johnny's way of life. Worthwhile mention is Michael Winslow (the motormouth sound-effects man from the "Police Academy" series) as a drug dealer who mimics the sound of police sirens!

There is one scene that works in "Alphabet City." Johnny speeds down the New York streets without looking at the road ahead to intimidate a hotshot kid who idolizes his lifestyle. Beyond that, "Alphabet City" is wayward and laughable, and the limited screenplay leaves out a lot of potential with Johnny's family, especially his sister. It is a shallow independent film with not one honest bone in its narrative body.

Sweet Horror Musings by Donald Pleasance

TERROR IN THE AISLES (1984)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 "Terror in the Aisles" is one of my favorite horror documentaries from the 1980's, a movie I watched religiously when it was televised on weekday afternoons. It has Donald Pleasance and Nancy Allen inside a movie theater, along with scared audience members, giving commentary on everything from horror films to slashers to thrillers. Some of it might be a little uneven when it shows clips from 1981's thrilling "Nighthawks" and only a brief clip from "The Silent Partner," not to mention "The Exorcist" and odd clips from "Alone in the Dark" that eventually segue to "The Food of the Gods" (why?) to "Marathon Man", etc. You will still have a grand time savoring over everything horror and beyond - a chill will travel through your spine.

Clearly terror is the name of the game and there are choice clips from David Cronenberg's "Scanners," and there are unsavory clips from the largely forgotten 1982's "Vice Squad" with a killer pimp played by Wings Hauser (king of B movie during the 1980's). I rather forget "Vice Squad" and 1982's atrociously unwatchable "The Seduction" with Morgan Fairchild, which have little purpose beyond having their voyeuristic clips shown next to the truly scary "When a Stranger Calls," where Carol Kane is informed that the stalker on the phone is calling from inside her house. There are, however, various clips that come together with the right kind of selections. For example, clips from 1941's "The Wolf Man" are juxtaposed with "An American Werewolf in London" and "The Howling," showing how werewolf transformation scenes have changed substantially in thirty years.

Donald Pleasance has one of those distinct voices that makes you want to listen to his every word. It is fascinating in retrospect that Pleasance discusses real violence versus movie violence, showing a couple of so-called degenerates or undesirables in the audience and how real-life violence doesn't intrude upon the communal viewing experience (who could have anticipated the Aurora, Colorado movie theater shooting in 1984?) Then Nancy Allen shows her dismay for showing clips of women in peril - pardon, Ms. Allen? One of her own movies is shown, the fantastically suspenseful "Dressed to Kill" where she plays a vulnerable prostitute.

Interestingly, Ms. Allen also discusses how a filmmaker like Alfred Hitchcock would show more style and finesse in his own classic thrillers such as "Psycho" and "Strangers on a Train." There are clips lifted from the terrific Hitchcock documentary by Richard Schickel (as part of the "Men Who made the Movies" series), "Inside Hitchcock," where the Master of Suspense himself speaks on what makes a thriller work. In retrospect, Hitch never had use for gore and seeing how he terrified audiences versus the 80's slashers is a cinema lesson everyone needs to hear. Incidentally, I would've loved to have heard some comments from other directors such as John Carpenter but that is just pure nitpicking.

"Terror in the Aisles" is occasionally haphazard with selection of film clips overall and its annoying use of a mediocre re-recording of the Halloween theme played during clips from "Halloween II," but the movie is still spine-tingling fun.  It is probably the last documentary on horror films released theatrically and it is a bit of a shame that the rest that have been made since (such as the hair-raising "The American Nightmare") have been given a direct-to-DVD life.

George Clooney comfortably ascends

THE DESCENDANTS (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 

It is a bit disheartening to read ill-conceived comments from the average viewer on the Internet about "The Descendants." George Clooney acts badly! The kid actors use foul language! Why did so and so cry over someone she barely knew! How dare they use the word "retard"! I gather from such statements that the average viewer is not meant to soak in the nuances and complications of a film like "The Descendants" but that is life. Alexander Payne's latest film shows the director on surer ground than ever before with a lead actor who continues to surprise us with complicated, unpredictable characters. That is life.

Clooney plays Matt King, a Honolulu attorney who is facing numerous complications. His wife was in a boating accident and is now in a coma. In addition, there is a rhapsodic piece of real estate in Kauai (25,000 acres worth) that can be sold to the highest corporate bidder which would please his cousins, or he can keep it preserved which wouldn't please them. Matt also has two daughters to deal with; Scottie (Amara Miller) who is the precocious younger daughter, and the other is troublesome Alexandra (Shailene Woodley) who is staying at a boarding school on another island. Matt also has a father-in-law (Robert Forster) who has his own way of handling his daughter's coma state. And there is a revelation about Matt's wife that I will leave for viewers to discover since it informs the rest of the film.

"The Descendants" is based on a novel by Kaui Hart Hemmings, and it has been adapted with utmost care and simplicity by director Alexander Payne and co-writers Nat Faxon and Jim Rash. They have taken token made-for-TV material (or what could have been in the wrong hands) and enhanced it with deeply rooted emotions in its characters. What makes the film sing is that it refuses to bow down to sentimentality or facile feelings that could come off as forced. Director Payne knows how to wield this material with the cocksure mentality of a director who understands the human heart all too well (his previous films "Sideways" and "About Schmidt" proved it).

He also shows segments of Hawaii that rarely get shown on film or television - more arid suburban areas that do not look like the blitzed out, sunlit, heavenly, picture postcard look of "Hawaii-Five-O." The houses and the streets look lived-in and virtually anonymous from any other street in the USA (excepting the other islands that have resorts though they are always overcast).

George Clooney is something of a miracle in movies - an actor whom I did not care for on television has risen to give some extraordinary performances on film. Whether appearing in escapist fare ("Ocean's" flicks, "Out of Sight") or weighty dramas ("Syriana" or the underwhelming "Up in the Air"), he excels at making us believe in his characters. I would call it invisible acting because it is hard to catch Clooney acting - he inhabits his characters fully. You can tell in one of many scenes when he runs to a neighbor's house for a confrontation - it is his wobbly way of running that defines the character.

Another miracle is Amara Miller and especially Shailene Woodley as Matt's daughters - two girls who can see Matt's pain and know the truth about their mother. Woodley stands out as a no-nonsense, confrontational and rebellious daughter who takes a liking to likable doofus, Sid (Nick Krause). Eventually parent and daughter learn to help each other through a difficult time in ways that prove to be unpredictable and heartwrenching. Added to the range of emotions are stellar and full-bodied characters in supporting roles played by Matthew Lillard, Judy Greer and the fabulous Beau Bridges. They add layers to this offbeat Hawaiian family drama.

What is really invigorating and brilliant about "The Descendants" is that it treats a family breakdown with complete honesty and never judges its characters. That is Alexander Payne's strength - letting us care about people who are fallible and who acknowledge their mistakes. I can't imagine a richer, juicier, sophisticated and more complex American family portrait in the 2010 era than "The Descendants."

Flashy noir tale precipitously falls

MULHOLLAND FALLS (1996)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 

Readers of my reviews know I have a fondness for stories set in the 1950's that circulate around flashy cars, atomic tests, suburbia, police detectives, venetian blinds, luscious women with bright red lips, etc. All these elements make up most of film noir (excepting atomic tests to some degree, though there is that explosive ending from "Kiss Me, Deadly"). "Mulholland Falls" is a strikingly photographed neo-noir tale with flashiness being the operative word here to define the movie as a whole. Flashy, yes, but story and plot, as thin as a cigarette.

The movie shows promise from its first few galvanizing scenes. The Hat Squad, a group of police detectives led by burly Nick Nolte, get rid of a mobster (William Petersen) by dragging him from a restaurant and proceeding to throw his body out of a Mulholland Drive cliff. The mobster survives with a few broken bones but the message is clear: the Hat Squad will not tolerate undesirables coming in to their L.A. turf.

Such a powerful sequence with energetic direction by Lee Tamahori ("Once Were Warriors") leads to the investigation of a female corpse in the middle of the desert (played by Jennifer Connelly). Nolte knows who she is - he had an affair with her but it ended - but his involvement has become personal. It leads to porn films made by a "fruitcake" (Andrew McCarthy) and some footage of an atomic testing site and bandaged hospital patients that raises questions. One sequence stands out - the four men of the Hat Squad illegally enter a federally restricted site where they witness an enormous crater. Great scene, but it has nothing to do with the movie.

"Mulholland Falls" shines occasionally thanks to Nick Nolte, a vicious cop who believes in keeping personal issues to himself, such as deceiving his own wife (Melanie Griffith). But the movie never builds to much and contains few surprises or twists. It also contains little personality or colorful characters. Michael Madsen and Chris Penn are tremendous presences on screen but no weight is given to their characters - they are simply two members of the Hat Squad. Chazz Palminteri jazzes things up as the other Hat Squad member who is seeing a therapist. I also like the brief role of the sick General, astutely played by John Malkovich. And there is Ed Lauter in a role that is so juicy for merely less than a minute before he is (spoiler alert) blown away that you wonder what director Tamahori had in mind when casting such terrific actors.

"Mulholland Falls" could've been an expose of the real-life Hat Squad and their notorious and unorthodox methods of eliminating the criminal element. Instead Tamahori and writer Pete Dexter (who base this tale on a story concocted by Mr. Dexter and Floyd Mutrux) infuse noir staples that we have seen a million times before (excepting, once again, the atomic testing angle). Connelly looks the part of a 1950's gal and Nolte smokes a chimney throughout and gets to beat up a few FBI men and the cars, oh those stylish cars, just make the atmosphere very tactile (special thanks to the gifted cinematographer Haskell Wexler who can make a cemetery also look beautiful). If only the plot and characters were given such major scrutiny. The movie is a criminal waste of time. 

The Big Chill, Dogme95-style

REUNION aka AMERICAN REUNION (2001)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Independent films, that is films made on a shoestring budget, are often accused of having no story and no plot. Even worse are the films made under the Dogme95 rules, rules which hardly any Hollywood directors would abide by. The rules consist of using hand-held video cameras, ambient lighting, and found locations (meaning no studio shooting). "American Reunion" was made under those rules, but its strengths lie with sharp writing and strong characterizations. The Dogme95 rules hardly ruin the script or the actors.

Set in Ojai, California, we are introduced to the mayor of this town, Margaret (Marlene Forte) who is organizing the 20th high-school reunion of her class of 1981. The principals include the whining Mindy (Rainer Judd), who is having consistent crying fits over her divorce; the musician Ty (Corey Glover) who is trying to reconcile with the son he never knew; the black-haired Golden Boy, Brad (Billy Wirth), who had higher aspirations than being a bus driver; the former nerd Jeanie (Jennifer Rubin), once known as the "big loser of 1981," who is now a photojournalist; the retiring Army officer, Patrick (Dwier Brown, formerly of "Field of Dreams"), who has a secret to share with his disappointed dad (Steve Gilborn); and finally, the cokehead J.C. (Andres Faucher), the pizza parlor owner whose deceased brother was once the owner and a member of this reuniting class. It is no accident that the designated members of this graduating class share their secrets at the pizza parlor.

It is unlikely that what transpires in "American Reunion" will surprise you. It is also unlikely that the film's look, shot on digital video, will change people's minds about the choice of using an amateur medium. The truth is that perhaps the film would have been elevated had it been shot on film stock, but who cares? I mean, a lot of decent films were shot on digital video, everything from "Star Wars: Episode II" to "The Anniversary Party" to "Chuck and Buck" to several Dogme95 films like "The Celebration." The medium is not as significant as what takes place in front of the camera. Okay, enough of that, but I see that some critics are bothered by the cheap medium of choice lately among the independents.

Writer Kimberly Shane O'Hara does an admirable job of crafting so many characters into a 90-minute film with such different personalities. O'Hara's subtle touch is to thrown in small doses of humor to accentuate the action, namely the dialogue in different locations. For example, there is a regaling moment at a supermarket where Mindy confronts her ex-husband and her new girlfriend. After the confrontation, she speaks into the intercom telling him that she is leaving. Humor aside, characters come into clear focus from the moment they are introduced. Mindy's own crying fits may deter the audience, but soon she is showing how alert she is as a human being - she is able to move on despite her divorce. Even the frenetic Mayor, who seems to bounce from end of town to the other, discovers the real purpose of the reunion. And so does Brad, who knows it is more than about celebrating with red wine and pizza. These high-school graduates are not the same people they are now. Or perhaps they haven't changed as much as having undergone changes.

My favorite characters are Brad and Jeanie, who quickly develop as friends and have sex in the woods. Jeanie sees a certain beauty in everything. Brad is the realist, trying to understand his own curiosity about this reunion as much as Jeanie's. Scenes like the opening scene where the two of them meet at the town's cafe reveals their relationship instantly - their mutual curiosity and honesty. Billy Wirth (formerly a vampire in "The Lost Boys") and Jennifer Rubin (formerly Fred Krueger's punk-rock victim in "Nightmare 3") underplay beautifully, as does most of the cast.

"American Reunion" was initially titled "Reunion" with the Dogme95 moniker prominently used as its banner. The director Leif Tilden had shown the original film at a Swedish film festival, which had a sell-out audience. Thanks to extra funds, the film underwent extra shooting (including a scene where the Mayor visits a former graduate's grave) to appeal to a more mainstream audience. Though it is difficult to say if this new version will appeal to the mass tastes (I could have lived without the football game montages), I can safely say that "American Reunion" is like drinking a fine glass of red wine while listening to old friends reminisce about their lives. Though it is not as enveloping or as richly layered as "The Big Chill" (which most critics seem to be hailing it as), it is just as bittersweet and unsentimental. We need more films like this.

H. Rider Haggard is merely flipping a coin in his grave

KING SOLOMON'S MINES (1985)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

So let's get this off our chests immediately, shall we? "King Solomon's Mines" is not to be taken seriously nor is it a good action-adventure flick. It is also haphazardly shot and acted (with quite possibly one of the worst rear-screen projected scenes ever seen in a film, at least since 1934's "Tarzan the Ape Man"). And yet I had a moderately fun time watching it, maybe because it doesn't take itself seriously for a second nor does it apologize for being so hilariously bad.

Richard Chamberlain plays Allan Quatermain, a fortune hunter hired to help the blonde Jess Huston (Sharon Stone) find her father. You see her father has a map that can lead to the mines of King Solomon where priceless jewels and diamonds are hidden. Naturally, Jess is not the only one who wants it - a German commander (Herbert Lom) and a vicious Turk (John Rhys-Davies) want the mines for themselves. As the commander points out, if Germany had access to jewels and diamonds, they would have won World War II. I suppose the implication is that with enough money, the Germans could have armed themselves with enough firepower to destroy the whole world!

"King Solomon's Mines" is one of three remakes by my count of H. Rider Haggard's classic adventure novel. The 1937 and the 1950 version are infinitely superior with little of the cartoonish quality of this movie. The only reason this flick was made was to cash in on the Indiana Jones craze of the 1980's. Allan Quatermain is modeled more on good old Indy than on the novel's character, given lines like "Oh, sure. You take the thousand on the left and I will take the thousand on the right" (referring to the numerous members of an African tribe). Ms. Sharon Stone is made to seem as dumb as possible, but even the classic blonde bombshells from the 30's and 40's had more spunk and attitude than she does. Only Chamberlain maintains some level of dignity through this mess, though he is not your standard adventure hero (he lacks any real charm). As for Herbert Lom and John Rhys-Davies, well, they overact shamelessly and who can blame them. In fact, it is rather fun seeing Lom parading up and down Africa, lip-synching to a Wagner opera with plenty of gusto. I certainly would not call their performances boring.

The action scenes pack some heat and occasional thrills (a plane sequence, though, does leave a lot to be desired). But we do get alligators, dragons, quicksand, perilous traps, African men hanging upside down in trees, lava, explosions galore (even people explode when falling into lava), huge spiders and lots more. This is pure silliness and truly campy, not to mention completely unbelievable. I never thought I would say this but here is good advice when watching this movie: check your brain at the door.

Africa Screams at the unfortunate Quatermain sequel

ALLAN QUATERMAIN AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD (1986)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

It is funny that the trailer for this sequel to "King Solomon's Mines" had more action than the actual movie. I recall a moment in the trailer when Allan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) uses a bullwhip of some sort (nowhere to be found in the actual movie). I also recall some sort of wooden cage suspended on wires where Allan engages in some gunfight (also shown on the advertising poster, again nowhere to be found in the actual movie. The wooden cage is fleetingly seen in one shot). Whereas "King Solomon's Mines" at least had some action scenes with a little spin and an ounce of wit, this hastily patched-together sequel (reportedly shot simultaneously with the original) only gives Indiana Jones rip-offs a bad name.

This time, Allan Quatermain is in Africa on the search for his brother, who is hiding out in some sort of New Age temple looking for a white tribe. Along for the ride is returnee Jesse Huston (Sharon Stone), who only wants to get married and go back to America. There is also James Earl Jones on hand as Allan's sidekick, and a ridiculous villain with a bad hairdo played by Henry Silva. And to make matters worse, all Quatermain has to do to get a villainess to drop from an abyss is to simply...well, I would not dream of giving away the stupidity of the joke.

Though "King Solomon's Mines" was a poor man's Indiana Jones (and absolutely had nothing to do with H.Rider Haggard), it had the advantage of instilling a silly, parodic tone that gave it some leverage. This sequel is as shopworn as they come, and as adventure movies go, it is simply the most witless, least exciting one ever made.