Jamie Lee Curtis can't survive another sequel

HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia     
(Originally reviewed in August 9th, 2002)

It is one of my guilty pleasures to view the "Halloween" films, having seen all seven sequels to John Carpenter's original classic. I have not liked any of them, except for the chilling Rick Rosenthal sequel Number 2 and "H20." As all diehard devotees of the "Halloween" franchise can recall, the chilling 1981 sequel was set in a hospital where poor Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) was running from the Shape, Michael Myers to the rest of you. It was one of the few sequels that had the distinction of continuing the story from the same night where the original had left off. Now, Rick Rosenthal has reunited with Miss Curtis and the Shape for one more sequel. Is it a thrill? A delight? Not so. This latest sequel is not bloody bad, just more of the same, and with no attention paid to the most rudimentary character details that "H20" had.

Laurie Strode does return briefly for a fairly intense opening sequence featuring good old Mikey with the William Shatner face mask. After the first five minutes, the movie goes downhill. Apparently some show called "Dangertainment" will broadcast the comings and goings inside Mr. Myers' childhood home live on the Internet. The lead producer of the show (Busta Rhymes) loves kung-fu movies and is eager to scare the living daylights out of everybody, including the five or six (I lost count) high-school students invited to shoot their experiences inside the dreaded house with a digital camera. Before you can say "Blair Witch Project," there are numerous stabbings, decapitations, and oh just too many decapitations, and gallons of blood. There are the typical "Scream" one-liners uttered by emaciated, generic teenagers who should know better by now than to utter "Who's there?" Yes, there are the requisite sexual innuendos and make-out scenes, and before you know it, Michael Myers' white mask looms out of the shadows before someone gets hacked to death. I think I forgot to mention that Tyra Banks appears in this as well.

I am not sure what attracted me to seeing the latest offering from the Moustapha Akkad series except sheer curiosity (that and the brief appearance by Jamie Lee Curtis). Perhaps it is hope that this series can rise above the mediocrity and try something truly unique and really invoke the supernatural. Or maybe the thought that Michael Myers should simply retire. One decapitation is enough for me.

A whiz-bang superhero team

THE AVENGERS (2012)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 All you need to know about superheroes is that they have special powers that enables them to perform extraordinary abilities. I wish I could say that when you see one superhero movie, you have seen them all. Not quite the case with the Marvel superheroes on hand here. From Captain America to Hulk to Thor to Iron Man, this is the sweet desert of an epic movie many fans have been waiting for. It is that, and more.

The gung-ho, patriotic Captain America (Chris Evans) has been frozen in ice for 50 years and is thawed out to help form the superhero team, the Avengers initiative, thanks to the persuasive Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nick recruits other members, with the help of the formidable martial-arts expert and superspy Black Widow (Scarlett Johannson), such as the reluctant Iron Man aka billionaire hotshot, Tony Stark (Robert Downey, Jr.), and the semi-reluctant Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) who is always angry but hasn't turned into the Hulk for about a year. The mighty Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is missing but not for long - he is searching for his adopted brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), a dangerous god from Asgard who wishes possession of the Tessaract, a glowing, impenetrable cube that allows the gods to travel from one dimension to the next. Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) is also on hand with his trusty bow and explosive-tipped arrows, but he ought to watch out for Loki's powerful scepter.

"The Avengers" gives us all the banter one might hope from these superheroes whose egos and personalities clash when they are in the same room. Thor fights Captain America and Iron Man while trying to capture Loki. Hulk and Thor also have their moment with giant green fists against a mighty hammer. When the Avengers are not fighting, they argue and try to one-up each other. Tony tries to get Bruce angry because he is "a big fan of the other guy." Tony also can't stand the "old man," that man being Captain America and his colorful outfit. Only Black Widow and Hawkeye seem to get along - they have a past history of being involved in minor political debacles, far removed from anything like gods, green-skinned monsters and alien ships.

The grand finale involving the aforementioned alien ships and alien beasties wearing visors and helmets felt a little off - who are these CGI-created hooligans from space? It felt a little like a hackneyed video-game in 3-D with all of these alien creatures falling into place a little too neatly. The focus on the story should have stuck with Loki, who manipulates others to do his destructive bidding early on. Could he not have done the same thing with our superheroes and turn them against each other? Still, despite various explosions of buildings and streets ripped apart like shredded paper (the comics featured just as much destruction), I cared about the superheroes enough to get through the calamity of it all. It is seemingly "Transformers"-type calamity, but with a lot more heart and more than one and a half dimensions. Michael Bay isn't half the director that newcomer film director Joss Whedon is.

Robert Downey, Jr. makes the most of the arrogant Tony Stark; Mark Ruffalo is an able Bruce Banner and impressive Hulk (the scene-stealer for sure); Jeremy Renner makes me root for his Hawkeye with his laser stare and archery skills; Scarlett Johannson (an actress I less than admire) gives us a whipsmart woman as Black Widow in this epic boys' tale, and Chris Evans is still the admirably old-fashioned Cap Man ("There is only one God, m'aam"). Tom Hiddleston is still the lecherous, Iago-type villain - displaying a tinge of regret about his estranged relationship with his hammer-loving brother. Two repartee scenes involving Loki and Tony Stark are about as engaging as one might expect. There is also a brief set of scenes involving Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg, who last appeared in "Thor"), the right-hand man to Nick Fury who wants his old Captain America trading cards to be signed by the man himself. It is moments like this, peppered throughout the film, that give it some soul, shape and dimension.

"The Avengers" is not the best superhero movie of all time (nor is it as grandly wondrous or enthralling as "Thor" or "Captain America") but it is a smart, snappy, rousing, occasionally lighthearted, furiously paced blockbuster film, giving comic-book fans and fans of these actors in particular a little bit of everything. These superegotistical heroes are not cardboard automatons - the actors give them humanity and individual personalities. And then they kick ass in the grand Marvel way.

Molly Ringwald's road to nowhere

P.K. AND THE KID (1987 - filmed in 1982)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

(originally written in 2002) 

Molly Ringwald had that special something that Shirley Temple had: she could make teenage boys develop a crush on her. From Ringwald's lead roles in "Sixteen Candles" and "Pretty in Pink," she became the face of teenage adoration in the John Hughes universe. I was one of those teenage boys back in 1986, even ogling at Life and Time magazines that featured her pretty freckled face gracing the cover. Ringwald then moved on from her teenage mode to mindless B movies that never did much for her career. But Ringwald was also the star of "B" and "C" movies prior to "Sixteen Candles." One of them was the exceptionally abysmal "P.K. and the Kid," a movie that makes TV movies look visually inventive by comparison.

P.K is played by Molly Ringwald, a teenage girl who faces one sexual assault after another from her mean stepfather (Alex Rocco). He beats her senseless but P.K.'s mom (Fionnula Flanagan) ignores the abuse. P.K. is so fed up she runs away, and stepdaddy is now after her. She flees inside someone's truck. Lo and behold, the driver is Kid Kane (Paul Le Mat), a professional wrestler who is on his way to Reno for a big match. He is willing to help P.K. though the reasons are not clear except that somebody should look after a teenage runaway. They drive off on the road, laughing, making jokes, etc. Most of this resembles a cheaply made TV movie. Stepdad often materializes out of nowhere and always finds P.K. P.K. and Kid manage to elude him further. There is not one shot that shows Stepdaddy is on to them, so how does he know their whereabouts from one state to the next if we never see him following them? There are wrestling matches and fistfights along the way in restaurants, bars, and fish markets. P.K. stays in the motel room while Kid Kane tries to woo a hotel clerk (or a waitress, I forget). This stupidity plays on and on, and it includes an unintentionally hilarious scene where Stepdad delivers a jab at poor Esther Rolle, a friend of Kid's!

Along with "Caligula," "P.K. and the Kid" is the only film I've ever stopped halfway through while watching it. It was a recent videotape I had bought cheaply and viewed, mostly because of my interest in good old Molly. I decided to fast-forward to the conventional, excruciating climax where Kid has his wrestling match. It is all about as exciting as waiting for a tree branch to fall on your head while reading a book (even Stallone's sweaty artificiality was more exciting in "Over the Top"). In fact, there are some good Ringwald movies, and some great Paul Le Mat films. For God's sakes, go to your local video store and rent them, but do not watch this time-waster or you'll be sorry you lost $1.50!

Rip off the 1%

TOWER HEIST (2011)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Tower Heist" should have been a rip-roaring action comedy with a great comic cast that would have upped the tomfoolery and absurdity to new heights. As it is, it is only fitfully funny and a bit underwhelming and undernourished but it still packs the occasional wallop.

Ben Stiller is Josh Kovacs, the manager of a residential New York City skyscraper. He plays chess with a wealthy businessman, Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda), who is the owner of a penthouse at the top of this skyscraper. Josh does an admirable job overall with his staff and the patient doorman, Lester (Stephen Henderson), who is hoping to retire within a year. Casey Affleck is Charlie, the concierge who mistakes a Korean woman for Japanese. Michael Pena is Enrique, the newly hired elevator operator. Matthew Broderick is a resident who is about to be evicted. Typical day in the Big Apple.
That is until Shaw is arrested for a Ponzi scheme that involves taking pension funds from the tower's employees. Trouble is that Josh asked Shaw to invest in everyone's pension funds. This leads to a scene where Lester nearly commits suicide by walking over a subway platform (fairly true to life in light of our current economic meltdown). Shaw will get out of jail soon and not pay a penny that is owed to the tower's employees. After Josh, Enrique and Charlie are fired by the General Manager, Josh hatches a plan - rob Shaw's penthouse and get the money hidden in a safe inside a wall. Only trouble is the safe is not where the gold is.

All this planning needs an experienced criminal, which leads to Slide (Eddie Murphy), a thief who can steal anything except he has no clue how to crack open a safe. This leads to Odessa (Gabourey Sidibe from "Precious"), a maid working at the tower whose family is in the locksmith business. How convenient.

Everything leads to an absurd climax that would seem improbable in an "Ocean's Eleven" flick. Let's say it involves dangling a car once owned by Steve McQueen over the side of the tower to...you gotta see it. It is so improbable and cartoonish that you can't help but laugh at it (people suffering from acrophobia, beware).

"Tower Heist" is mildly funny but it is occasionally infused with a profane comic engine by Eddie Murphy in a role he used to play in his sleep. Murphy has fun with the role of Slide, exposing the ridiculous assertion that he can only be remembered by critics for playing a "48 HRS." hoodlum. Murphy is bigger than the film, more talented than almost any other comedian in the past twenty years and his lightning-paced, alert manner in which he rattles off one line after another is pitch perfect. But once he disappears from the screen for long stretches, the movie loses a bit of momentum and purpose. Most nagging thought: why does the film let Josh off the hook when dealing with his employees whom he screwed over with the pension fund faux pas? Yes, Alan Alda plays his most deviously charming and evil role in years but the plot makes it clear that if it had not been for Josh, none of this might have happened.

Ben Stiller is at his most restrained here giving a more nuanced performance than normal. I would have loved more scenes between him and Murphy and Tea Leoni as an FBI agent (both Leoni and Stiller were in the fantastic "Flirting With Disaster"). The movie is still fun but it is not grand, dynamic or engaging fun with comic fireworks. It is more like a Christmas tree celebration at Rockefeller Center with sparklers.

Anybody up for Jello? It is killer.

THE BLOB (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Chuck Russell's "Blob" remake is faster, funnier and more animated than the blander-than-thou 1958 original. This is still a 50's B movie transposed to the 1980's era but it has more brains and heart than one might expect. 

Kevin Dillon has the McQueen role as Brian, except he is more of juvenile delinquent in frequent trouble with the police (McQueen's character was no trouble at all). He also has a deep interest in his motorcycle and is trying to cross a gap in a local wooden bridge nearby. And he fails.  Shawnee Smith is Meg who doesn't play his girlfriend but she and  Brian become partners in fighting the gooey slime that, once again, crashes onto Earth from outer space. The circumstances involving the blob are not the same as the original's film plot, and I will leave it at that.

There is more gore and far more murders by the blob in this remake. The movie also has an upbeat charm as well in that it is never mean-spirited or too bloodily nauseating. One scene involving a kitchen sink is often considered something of a classic gore sequence. A movie theater sequence, where an anonymous slasher film is shown, has more visceral thrills than the scene from the original. 

My one bone of contention is the stunt casting of people like Bill Moseley and Jack Nance who appear on screen for no more than a few seconds. Couldn't co-writer Frank Darabont have given them more to do?

With Dillon and Shawnee Smith as the unlikely pair who have no time to talk about the blob in a diner where Candy Clark is the waitress, the movie is swift, sharp, innocuous (by 2000 standards) and coiled like a whippersnapper. Director Russell, who did an expert job on "Nightmare on Elm Street 3," keeps the momentum going and the thrills and chills are fast and loose.  I wouldn't call it scary but it is a fun roller-coaster ride.

Hail to the King of the Dead

EVIL DEAD, 2013 A.D. (A Look at the Teaser/Trailer)

By Jerry Saravia

I am not inviting this girl to a birthday party

 When I first heard of a remake of "The Evil Dead," the quintessential Sam Raimi horror flick from 1983 (depending which year you saw the film in theaters), I simply shook my head. Why on earth is Raimi and Bruce Campbell, on board as producer, making a remake to a low-budget shocker that got approval from horror novelist Stephen King back in the day? So a teaser trailer became public and, not to sound repetitive, I thought to myself - I will watch the teaser but not comment on it. After all, I sound like a broken record that got smashed by an elephant's foot who just saw the latest "Blob" remake by Rob Zombie that never was, especially after commenting on my displeasure of a new "Superman" origin flick, a new "Carrie," and so on. Horror remakes have become so complacent that it makes me sick - anyone here clamoring for a so-called sequel to "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" in 3-D when Tobe Hooper already did his own sequel in 1986?

Bruce Campbell as Ash

So I watched this teaser with dread. I must say, I was surprised. This "Evil Dead" redux is hardcore all the way, very intense and in-your-face. Restraint is hardly in the "Evil Dead" lexicon - this is purely violent and grotesque, as it should be. The images look terrifying (one evil spirit seems to cut open its own tongue). It has got the trademarks of the "Evil Dead" franchise, but there is no clearly no Ash. In fact, the human characters appear rather blah overall. That is the single ingredient missing from the teaser - an actor of Bruce Campbell's stature. Bruce made the franchise - his Ash character was a larger-than-life character who was initially afraid of the evil spirits until he decided to lose his fear and paranoia, strap on a chainsaw to his amputated hand, and fight to the death! Name another actor who is as goofy, sensitive, charming, romantic and convincingly heroic as the unlikely hero played by Bruce Campbell. The series eventually metamorphosized into a Three Stooges stunt, but that stunt was balanced with goofy gore and an unseen menace in the woods that threatened to crush anything in its path. And Campbell made it all tolerable with his Mount Rushmore face made of granite that seemed to be too big for the silver screen. That is part of the franchises's charm and inspiration.

Jane Levy

I love the concept of "Evil Dead" and its sequels, and I do look forward to this remake (Remake review). Raimi and Campbell might have some surprises in store that we are not privy to yet. It looks sickening, intense and graphic, but it is lacking in any tangible humanity (an actress named Jane Levy, from TV's "Suburgatory," is in the cast but she is someone I know nothing about). The director is an Uruguayan (my home country) named Fede Alvarez who caused a shockwave with his fantastic "Panic Attack!" footage that got linked to a Kanye West blog (which means if this film is a success, he can thank Kanye for leading the way). I'll give "Evil Dead" a shot but I sure do miss Bruce Campbell. Word is that "Evil Dead 4" might become a reality until after this remake is unleashed in theaters. Can we cross Ash's fingers from his amputated hand?

Fleshtones can't save Zombies

I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE (1987)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Considered to be a midnight cult movie for some time, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is hardly a decent zombie 80's spoof but it is hardly the worst of its kind. Looks like the kind of movie where a bunch of people drank a few beers, got some funding and made a movie without regards to technical proficiency or adequate story or acting. I suppose you know what you are in for from the opening credits with the title tune by one of the greatest, if not the greatest, garage band of all time, the Fleshtones (or maybe just one of the greatest bands period). Or maybe with such a cool title tune, I expected more.

Some high school kids, who spend very little time in school, try to buy weed from one drug dealer to no avail. Then they confront another drug dealer named Mussolini (Steve McCoy) whom they do buy weed from, which turns out to be bland weed. Now THAT is not good! Eventually, Mussolini is whacked in the head with a baseball bat by the teens who throw him into the river. Trouble is the river is contaminated with radiation, turning Mussolini into a raging, green-skinned zombie. And is there a teenage zombie? Oh, yes, one of the teenagers is killed by Mussolini whose body is whisked away and thrown into the river to do battle with...you get the picture.

Neither as spookily funny or as skin-crawlingly scary as 1985's "The Return of the Living Dead," which is pretty much the goofiest zombie movie spoof ever made, "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is subpar on every level but it does contain a sweet love story that could've used more exposure. There are some choice gore moments including splitting a sexed-up girl apart during sex and a decapitation that further involves splitting a brain in half. There is also an inspired line of dialogue about atheism. The actors look like stock teen stereotypes, though the best performance is by Steve McCoy who goes over-the-top which you need to do in a spoof of this kind. It is a Troma-like production though Troma has done better pictures than this.

Footnote: The film's director,  John Elias Michalakis, disappeared from the film business and became a monk. "I Was a Teenage Zombie" is his sole directorial effort. Maybe now he can do a sequel called "I Was a Zombie Monk."

Zombie retrofits a brutal Michael Myers

HALLOWEEN (2007)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia 

Rob Zombie's "Halloween" re-imagining is a perversely violent and
dishonest piece of trash that never comes close to the spirit and
sheer horror of the John Carpenter classic. At once histrionic and
mind-numbingly violent to the point of outdoing bloody mayhem in even
"Saw" or its slew of torture porn counterparts, this Halloween movie
is a pointless disgrace.

Rob Zombie's "Halloween" brings back Michael Myers as the unstoppable killer with the William Shatner mask who preys on his victims on Halloween. That is fine with me since that is what John Carpenter's film and its infinite sequels showed. But Zombie also wants to show Michael's family life which consists of an obnoxious sister (Hanna Hall), a disabled, lecherous and loud stepfather (William Forsythe), and a caring mother (Sheri Moon Zombie) who works at a strip joint (I dislike the phrase but this is white trash hell). Michael also likes to kill cats, dogs and hamsters, thus paving the way for humans to be his next victims. These include a vile school bully and Michael's family, with the exception of his mother and his little baby sister whom he loves. How nice.

Flash forward to fifteen years later where Michael is held at Smith's Grove Institute where his patient psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Malcolm McDowell), has given up on Michael. Michael eventually escapes Smith's Grove but not before he kills a few security guards and a janitor. Then he finds a truck he can use to drive back to his hometown of Haddonfield, but he has to kill the truck driver first. Then he finds his long-lost sister Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton) and kills her parents and, yes, the slaughter continues.

Rob Zombie aims to be ambitious but the attempt at psychoanalyzing Michael Myers doesn't wash. For one, when you show Michael as a kid who tortures and kills animals and humans, and has no memory of what he had done, you are asking the audience to see Michael Myers as some latter-day serial killer. Of course, Michael is no ordinary serial killer, as we plainly see in the only intense and frightening scenes in the film where young Michael is interviewed by Dr. Loomis. There is a quiet unease about those scenes. But then Zombie lingers on every single murder with such a perverse attention to detail that you might want to gag. This movie has a bigger mortality rate than most movies and Zombie seems to punish us with extreme slicing and dicing (only the school bully murder works since we feel the bully didn't fully deserve to die). Beyond that, Zombie never lets up for showing how many ways a knife can be thrusted into someone's body, or how a baseball bat or a wooden log can be used to crush bones and break bodies.

I am not a prude when it comes to violence but after enduring one grisly murder after another, I grew weary of this "Halloween" movie. I've seen the sequels and none of them come close to this torturous display of brutality. And when Michael returns to Haddonfield, we meet Laurie's teenage friends and, before you can say who Danielle Harris is playing, they are all slaughtered without much human interest or a care in the world. This leaves Laurie who hides and hides from Michael long past the point of caring, screaming at the highest pitch while Michael tears down the basement and the attic looking for her. Yawn.

The acting is also high-pitched consisting of actors who spend a lot of time hollering and screaming. I don't expect great subtlety in a "Halloween" movie but give me the subdued Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasance any day. Overall in terms of actors, McDowell is an uncomfortable fit as the good doctor, Dee Wallace and Brad Dourif give largely blink-and-you'll-miss performances, and the teens are too bland and dare I say anonymous, including Scout Taylor-Compton as the disarming Laurie who makes sexual comments galore (again, where is the timidness of Jamie Lee Curtis's Laurie?)

John Carpenter's "Halloween" is a machine-like supernatural thriller with the machine-like precision of its monstrous Michael Myers. It was atmospheric and scary as hell, but it also did not dwell on grisliness and dementia. There was violence in the film but it was fairly limited and imaginatively done with shadows and haunting compositions (I can't forget Michael's white mask suddenly appearing behind Laurie or the way his fist finally bursts through a door). I am not going to say that Rob Zombie shouldn't make a film where we get insight on Michael and his murderous impulses. But the movie only tells us that Michael kills without provocation necessarily and without remorse, and he will kill those who nurture him except his mother and his baby sister. And then we are back in Haddonfield for mayhem as usual.

Dressed for De Palma

RAISING CAIN (1992)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(Review originally written in 2002) 

There are very few thriller directors you can count on nowadays but Brian De Palma is one that manages to deliver, witness his more recent films such as "The Untouchables" and "Mission: Impossible." "Raising Cain" came in between "Carlito's Way" and the outrageously uneven "The Bonfire of the Vanities," and it is a goofy and sporadically scary thriller that at least shows the director still has command of the medium with his deft sleight-of-hand.

The film stars the perfectly cast John Lithgow as child psychiatrist Carter Nix, who may have multiple personalities including that of his evil German (or Norwegian?) father and his leather-jacketed, sleazy brother, Cain (all played by Lithgow). The tormented Carter is seemingly happily married to his unfaithful wife (Lolita Davidovich), who longs for a handsome widower named Jack (Steven Bauer). Oh, no!!! And all hell breaks loose when Carter finds out.

"Raising Cain" is fun, but it is not intended as a serious thriller since it too often mocks itself. The movie plays like a joke on De Palma's career. De Palma borrows freely from his favorite director of suspense, Hitchcock, and even rips himself off (look at the infamous shot of tennis shoes from "Dressed to Kill"). This makes for a highly uneven thriller, albeit with one or more red herrings than necessary. An example would be the cliche of the dream-within-the-dream that Davidovich has, which makes me squirm each time I see it (a similar sequence took place in "An American Werewolf in London"). Still, De Palma has moments that make you scream with delight and he knows how to draw suspense with precision and cleverness (the shocking flashback to Davidovich kissing Bauer at a hospital during New Year's Eve is a screamer). There is also a superb long tracking shot in a police station that is as equally breathless a scene as De Palma has ever done.

The performances may be over-the-top and silly, but it is still an intriguing movie to watch - a definite case of style over substance. De Palma knows how to engineer an efficient, suspenseful, chilling thriller, and for better or worse, that's exactly what "Raising Cain" is.

Laurie in Michael Myers' path

HALLOWEEN: H20 - TWENTY YEARS LATER (1998)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
Original review from 1998

"Halloween: H20" is the seventh in the endless "Halloween" series and, although it is superior to the last few sequels, it is partly and surprisingly bland but it features the dynamic Jamie Lee Curtis and when she is on screen, it burns. She is damn good and the film's saving grace.

"Halloween H20" finally brings back Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, who last fought and screamed her way through Michael Myers' path at the end of "Halloween II." Now it's twenty years later, and guess what day it is. Laurie is now twenty years older and has been in hiding as Keri Tate, the headmistress of a prestigious private high school where her son attends! Keri is still having nightmares about Myers, drinks Vodka by the gallon, and confides in her love interest, a psychiatrist (Adam Arkin of "Chicago Hope"), about her hellish past. But, what do you know, Michael has tracked her down, courtesy of a nurse (Nancy Stephens) who knew Laurie from the old days in an un-inventive opening sequence.

"Halloween H20" is fun for the most part, and it is a pleasure to see Janet Leigh in a largely brief cameo as Norma (!) who provides a maternal shoulder for Laurie (sorry, Keri) and drives the same sedan she drove in "Psycho" - it's a post-modernist "Scream" twist and one of the brightest spots in the entire movie. But instead of creating a scenario of suspense where Keri tries to fend off not only Michael but her own personal demons, the movie opts for overdone blood-soaked thrills by having some emaciated, hormonal teens go through the clichéd motions of your average slasher flick. The kids say, "Who's there?" and the faulty direction by Steve Miner ("Friday the 13th Part 2") allows us to see Michael in the shadows too soon before he walks up to the victims and...well, you get the idea. Let's not kid ourselves: the two "Scream" movies and the original "Halloween" went through the same motions but with, oh so much more atmosphere, finesse, suspense and humor.

There are two tense sequences that stand out in "H20": one involves an anonymous mother and her daughter at a rural rest stop where Michael lurks behind bathroom walls; and the coup de resistance moment where Michael and Laurie finally meet face to face through a window. It's a moment of pure shock and horror, exactly what should have been consistently existent through the whole movie.

Beyond that, "Halloween H20" has the enormous dignity of Jamie Lee Curtis. Her scenes with her teenage son and with Arkin are pleasurable to watch and a bit of a novelty in a disreputable genre. Curtis brings pathos, tears and toughness to her role that Neve Campbell and Jennifer Love-Hewitt will never quite muster. She single-handedly saves this mediocre, run-of-the-mill sequel that has occasional scares and shocks to the system, but they really pounce when Jamie Lee is involved. We root for Laurie Strode to survive - these teenagers are mere window dressing and a distraction.

Footnote for the curious: The post-"Halloween" movies and rip-offs offered the idea that a virginal teenager had a better chance of surviving a killer's throes than those who had unruly sex. Laurie Strode was virginal in the first two "Halloweens'" but now she has a son through the miracle of...sexual intercourse. Is Laurie's son the reason Michael Myers is after her?

Good evening, my name is Paul Rudd and I am in Halloween 6!

HALLOWEEN: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS (1995)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 (Originally written in 1996)

It has been over twenty years since the original "Halloween" film, which spawned several terrible imitators and endless sequels. The Michael Myers character in the first film was shrouded in mystery since we didn't know what his motivation was or why he chose to revisit his hometown of Haddonfield where he killed his sister. Michael was unspeakably evil - an inhuman monster walking at a snail's pace and seemingly indestructible. The John Carpenter original remains a classic, scary, imaginative, low-budget independent film with a great, heroic role by a very young Jamie Lee Curtis. After "Halloween II," however, the series became repetitive and unnecessarily gory - a never-ending spectacle for witnessing the numerous methods Michael employed in killing his latest victims (post Number 2, only "Halloween 5" had some decent chills). 1995's "Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers" is so awful that it defies description and also wants to offer explanations for Michael's behavior - questions better left unanswered.

The opening scene is promising. A young woman carries her baby outside of a dank hospital and drives away in rainy weather. She stops at an empty bus station. A shadow appears and a white mask emerges from the shadow. It's of course Michael with a big glinting knife! Oh, well, it seemed promising. The woman in this opening sequence is Michael Myers' niece from the last two "Halloween" pictures, but who cares?

Michael goes back to Haddonfield since the Halloween season is around the corner again. A dysfunctional family has the misfortune of living at the former Myers house where Michael killed his sister (Kim Darby is one of the family members in denial over her husband's abuse). Wait a minute. If the house was boarded up and considered haunted by the townsfolk, why would anyone want to renovate it and resell it? Haven't these people heard of Amityville before? The plot thickens. If you are one of two people who has seen "Halloween 5," you'll recall the mysterious character with a black cloak and hat who rescues Michael from prison in the ludicrous finale. That mysterious stranger (no doubt, a homage to the Shadow) is back, and apparently runs the ominous hospital we see at the beginning and, get this (*spoilers ahead*), Michael Myers works for him!

Paul Rudd ("The Cider House Rules") appears in the role of the little kid whom Laurie babysitted in the original film. Now he's all grown-up and looks rather creepy. He claims to know why Michael Myers is indestructible and is aware that Myers' wrath is about to be set off again, thanks to complex charts that revolve around the Druids! Poor Donald Pleasance in, sadly, his last role as Dr. Loomis returns as a man who has retired and is living in isolation. Still, he decides to get rid of Michael one more time thanks to Mr. Rudd. What for? The monster couldn't be killed after five sequels so what makes Loomis think he can kill him now.

Marianne Hagan plays Kara Strode, Laurie's cousin, who lives in that dreaded Myers home. She suffers abuse from her father (Bradford English), who is the most rotten sonofabitch on earth that you know with certainty he will not last long. Hagan is competent in her role, though one wishes there was more for her to do.

"Halloween" The Curse of Michael Myers" exists in two versions, one is a producer's cut that has forty minutes of restored footage, an alternate (and sillier) ending and new music. It is considered the superior version but all I can say is that it is as poorly made, amateurishly acted, unscary and unsuspenseful as the theatrical version. The fact is that this "Curse" should have ended the franchise for good and ever but no. One more sequel with Jamie Lee returning surfaced in 1998 (much superior to most any other sequel) not to mention yet another sequel with Jamie Lee again! The "Halloween" movie series interests me because I keep hoping someone will return to the dread and atmosphere of the first two films. Probably the scariest element of "Curse" is that Donald Pleasance saw it fit to reprise his tired Dr. Loomis role. A curse, indeed.

1 person liked, but with Zuckerberg reservations

THE SOCIAL NETWORK (2010)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

I was both overwhelmed and underwhelmed by "The Social Network." On one hand, this is a film about a young, arrogant, socially inept billionaire who made his money by inventing the most famous social interactive website ever. On the other, this is a film about hubris, about how a business is created and how the creator cheats his partners. Or does he? Or is the 21st century business model about how you cheat your partners and that we all have to get used to it? Or is Mark someone who just can't socially interact with anyone?

Mark Zuckerberg is a Harvard whiz with computers and writing programming codes - his fingers do all the work and he sits there content. He suffers a breakup with his girlfriend, Erica Albright (a stunning Rooney Mara) and this creates an idea. Zuckerberg manages to interweave through a series of complex codes a communication tool (Facemash) where fellow students can compare female students to farm animals, and send it to one group of people after another. This results in thousands of hits. All this is meant in jest, though it can be construed as a form of bullying and defamation of character. Zuckerberg gets the attention of two Harvard athletes, the Winklevosses (amazingly acted by the same actor, Armie Hammer)who want him to create a social network site just for Harvard students. Instead Mark uses the idea to be a form of inclusivity, not exclusivity. How about a social interactive site for the whole wide world? Before you know it, Mark's close friend and partner, Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield) and Napster founder, Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake), create a site that draws a million people and counting. Some relationships are formed (Mark and company get groupies), and others are destroyed due to lawsuits about who had more input in the creation of facebook.

My problem with "The Social Network" is that I was not engaged by Mark Zuckerberg at all - he remains a nerdy genius who is nothing more than a cipher. Whatever pleasure he gets from what he creates is muted - money apparently means nothing to him and creativity merely draws a level of anxiety. But does anything mean anything to Zuckerberg? Writer Aaron Sorkin never quite answers that question. When Eduardo understands his place in a gripping scene, we understand his torment but we can't figure out Zuckerberg.

Adapted from Ben Mezrich's "The Accidental Billionaires," "The Social Network" is stupendously directed by David Fincher, a director who has taken more noble risks than any Hollywood director in years. The uniformly excellent cast (including a very spry Timberlake) and shrewdly written script by Aaron Sorkin capture the behind-the-scenes and backroom intrigue beautifully. But I sense an aloofness that leads nowhere in the film, and that is partially because Zuckerberg is a most uninteresting, unresponsive young genius played by one of the best young actors who can convey anything except disinterest, Jesse Eisenberg. I'd defriend Mark Zuckerberg in a second.

Michael Myers and his sweet niece

HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS 

(1989)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

(originally viewed on Halloween, 1989)

"Halloween 4" ended with a nice twist that hardly salvaged the film overall. The sweet niece of Michael Myers seemed to embody his spirit, but this new sequel does not follow up on such a cool idea. Michael Myers is simply resurrected a year later, precisely on October 31st, where he seems to be strongest. And the niece, well, she is still scared of her uncle who wears the William Shatner mask.

"Halloween 5" begins effectively with an opening credit sequence that seems to slash across the screen, perfectly complementing John Carpenter's famous eerie piano score. Soon enough though, we are back to the usual shenanigans. Dr. Loony Loomis (Donald Pleasance) still has that nasty facial burn scar and is still on the hunt for Michael Myers, who still plans to kill his niece (Danielle Harris, reprising her role from the last sequel). What is so special about killing a perfectly nice schoolage girl? Is it because of her blood relation to Laurie Strode? And what does Loomis hope to accomplish by capturing Michael Myers? Killing him with bullets doesn't help, nor does burning him to a crisp. And who the heck is that Shadow-like character who walks around ominously with silver-tipped shoes?

The film does have some good scares courtesy of director Dominique Otherin-Girard, and some degree of sensitivity to its characters (I could have lived without the close-up shot of murderous Mikey shedding a tear though). Girard does handle individual sequences ably enough, particularly the chilling if improbable finale inside a prison where Michael Myers is held. Good old Mikey put in jail for what he did? Say it ain't so Myers.

So, "Revenge of Michael Myers" is truly superior to the third and fourth chapters in the series but it is not good enough to say, hey, the spirit of Michael Myers is back! A man who wears a Shatner mask and walks at a snail's pace is an idea that can't hold water after several movies. This is a competent enough shocker for Michael Myers completists - the rest of you beware.

Good evening, I am Michael Myers!

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS (1988)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

 I remember anticipating with great delight the next Halloween sequel back in 1988. After all, it was seven years since the last Michael Myers film (not counting the turgid "Halloween III: Season of the Witch," which had nothing to do with Carpenter's original). It was time to return to the land of Haddonfield, Illinois where Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasance) was still on the hunt for Michael Myers, the zombiefied killer who walked at a snail's pace and only on October 31st. Well, some things are better left alone. "Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers" is one of the worst sequels ever made, bereft of thrills or chills. Even the gore leaves much to desire (and I am no fan of gore).

We are back in Haddonfield where murderous Mikey is now after his niece (Danielle Harris). Why? I could not tell you. First, we discover Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) was Mike's sister in "Halloween II" and suddenly, any family relative of Mike's is in deep trouble. Returnee Dr. Loomis (with a slight burn scar on his face) is back chasing Mike, assuring all the king's men and all the king's horses of Haddonfield that the inhuman killer will strike again on Halloween night. Naturally, nobody listens to a man as insane as Michael Myers. And surely we cannot stop celebrating Halloween, a time of tricks and treats and plenty of sex between the mature teens, now can we? Of course not, which is why the teens get it in the end, and the niece, well, I guess you will have to watch it to see what happens.

"Halloween 4" is strictly by-the-numbers and shockingly boring as a result. The famously eerie piano score by John Carpenter is remixed here with barely much enthusiasm. The mask of the Shape aka Michael Myers looks like a clown's mask, and is hardly as frightening as the original. Nothing in the film feels thrilling or remotely scary, and plus there is no atmosphere or stylistic flourishes to keep one's interest. The impression I got from this movie was that a studio executive said, "Hey gang! It is time for a new Halloween movie since Freddy and Chucky are making horror fun again at the box office. Only we will make this movie lethargic and lifeless to sit through and throw in a twist ending to make people scared so they will be willing to sit through it again and see what they missed." This is not Halloween, this is Hollow-ween.

Trick or treat, sequel stinks of smelly feet

HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Now how is this for an original sequel idea? Make a second sequel to John Carpenter's "Halloween" that is in-name-only. In other words, 1982's "Halloween III: Season of the Witch" has absolutely nothing to do with the previous two films, though it credits Carpenter and Debra Hill as producers. They did envision a sort of anthology of different tales set on Halloween, but why title this film with a Roman numeral? Carpenter must have been smoking something more than just plain cigars.


"Halloween III" deals with modern-day Druids headed by Dan O'Herlihy of all people, who plan to kill 50 million children on Halloween night with Jack-O-Lantern masks that, when worn by a child, eats away at their heads until worms and bugs begin to ooze out of them. Oh, yes, and the kids do die after this horrific, cruel event takes place. Dan O'Herlihy must be smoking something too since he keeps a huge chunk of Stonehenge in his factory where these masks are made (how did he manage these historic, iconic slabs past customs?) It takes the heroes (the wholly miscast Tom Atkins and Stacey Nelkin) to thwart O'Herlihy's plan and save millions of kids who would otherwise worry about razor blades in their candy than wearing a Jack-O-Lantern mask. And if I understood correctly, this master plan of O'Herlihy's is called "The Halloween Three." Maybe I was smoking something. Ah, there are a few robots in town too but the less said about that, the better.

Sorry kids and horror fans but there is no Michael Myers this time. Except for a television ad for the original Carpenter classic (sacrilege!), there is nothing here to remind us of the atmosphere and sense of dread Carpenter brought to the original and the less-than-horrific sequel. We mostly get an update of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," but that in itself is a sacrilegious comparison to be making here. I did like the aspect of subliminal advertising through the use of the music and flashes of smiling pumpkins, but those are the only aspects that seems to work.

Director Tommy Lee Wallace merely lets the film skip by without a shred of suspense or peril at any given moment. Only Carpenter's musical score works in its favor. Whoever gave this project a green light must be a fan of torture.

Mr. Sandman, he's home again!

HALLOWEEN II (1981)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

"Halloween" has its firm place in the horror genre, a classic shocker that moved with the slow, creepy pace of menacing, inevitable evil. "Halloween II" is nowhere in the same league as the original, but it also has an unstoppable, menacing sense of movement - the killer moves slow and the victims are doubly scared by the menace.

"Halloween II" differs from most sequels in that it is a direct continuation of the original. The original "Halloween" ended on the night of October 31st and this sequel continues on that very same night. The wounded Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) is taken to a hospital while Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasance) is obsessed with tracking down this inhuman killer, known in the credits as The Shape aka Michael Myers. "I shot him six times, and he got up and walked away," admits the good doctor.

The Halloween of this town has all the hallmarks of a bloody evening waiting to happen. There are kids dressing up in Michael Myers masks, lustful doctors, kids biting into razor-sharp apples, irate dogs, and a largely nonexistent hospital staff caring for the weak Laurie who mostly sleeps and has nightmares. Laurie is taunted by Michael Myers (who may be her brother!) and teased by a lovestruck ambulance driver (Lance Guest). During this very long night, each member of the short hospital staff is murdered by Michael Myers in particularly gruesome ways, while the nearly blind Laurie manages to escape from one room to the other with a limp. And where is Loomis in all this? He is facing a court-martial back at the institution. Towards the end of the film, he finally pulls a gun on a state trooper when he realizes Michael is related to Laurie.

Directed by Rick Rosenthal, "Halloween II" continues the same sense of dread and menace that the original had but the gore is accentuated making the goings-on less suspenseful than they should have been. I could have lived without seeing a syringe inserted in a woman's eyeball, or a half-naked woman scalded to death. There is also a character who slips on a puddle of blood! These are not necessities. These are merely distractions considering we don't learn much about said victims. Another problem is the screenplay, which gives motivation to the snail-paced killer Michael Myers by telling us that Laurie's sibling status is the sole reason why he came back to Haddonfield! Sometimes not knowing a murderer's motives is more frightening than knowing. On the other hand, future sequels tied his background to the Druids! John Carpenter has been on record saying he had no intention to write a sequel but he and producer Debra Hill did not receive much money from the first film's grosses, hence the sole reason for the sequel.

If nothing else, "Halloween II" is a guilty pleasure because the ending works so well, and Curtis is believably sympathetic as Laurie (despite an obvious wig). She continues to be endlessly pursued by Michael - she hides but he finds her. Eventually, Loomis and Laurie battle Michael to a fiery, suspenseful finale. I also liked Dr. Loomis's scenes of trying to explain the inhuman quality of his escaped mental patient. The music still works, this time re-recorded with synthesizer sounds. The film ends with an overcast morning day while "Mr. Sandman" plays on the soundtrack - a reminder that the nightmare is over. It is the opening scenes and the closing climax that come close to Carpenter's original (who reportedly tweaked scenes due to Rosenthal's inexperience in crafting menace), evoking a real sense of terror. "Halloween II" is worthwhile if you can live through the distractions.

John Carpenter's evil has escaped!

HALLOWEEN (1978)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

Just as the original "Psycho" sired the slasher genre, John Carpenter's "Halloween" solidified the genre that became more shockly gore for your buck than genuine scares. Amazing that so few directors followed Carpenter's model - atmosphere to spare and a chilling sense of doom that none of the sequels or "Friday the 13th" films ever came close to capture. "Halloween" is a superb scare show - a triumphant exercise in style that dictates its substance.

"Halloween" begins with a young kid walking around the outside of his house, looking for his sister. He grabs a mask and a kitchen knife, approaches his sister's bedroom by walking up the stairs and finally stabs her. All this time, Carpenter shows us what this kid does from his point-of-view - a very subjective stance that comes from Hitchcock and, of course, the notorious "Peeping Tom," which showed the killer filming his subjects as he killed them. The kid is Michael Myers, who is admitted to a mental institution. Nearly a decade later, Michael is still in an institution, and his psychiatrist, Dr. Sam Loomis (Donald Pleasance), is checking on him obsessively, aware that he is pure evil. During a rainy night, Michael escapes and drives away and now Loomis is in hot pursuit of someone he calls "inhumanly patient."

The story then shifts to October 31st, the celebrated day of Halloween, at the calm, homely town of Haddonfield, Illinois. We see a teenage woman named Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) walking to school with a young kid who believes in bogeymen. They make plans for the evening since Laurie will be babysitting him (the title of the film was originally "The Babysitter Murders."). Then we meet some of Laurie's friends, who are actively dating and dreaming of sexual escapades yet Laurie is the lonely, straight girl of the trio. There is the brunette-haired Annie (Nancy Kyes), whose father (Leigh Brackett) is a local cop, and Lynda (P.J. Soles), the ditzy blonde who ends every sentence with the word "totally." They all make plans for the evening since Annie and Laurie are babysitting, and Lynda wants to bring her boyfriend over at one house. And in this town, terror awaits - Michael Myers is paying a visit to wreak havoc.

"Halloween" is almost monochromatic in its look - the scenes during the day are overcast and the nights are truly dark where silhouettes and shadows exist - perfect time for Michael to attack (in one scene, Michael kills a dog and we hear it whimper offscreen). Carpenter uses the hand-held camera effectively to build the tension by choosing to follow the subjective nature of its characters. Examples of such moments are when Annie hears noises outside her house as she prepares to do laundry; the car that comes to a screeching halt when Annie shouts, "Speed kills"; the discovery of the dead bodies by Laurie, and so on. Subjectivity is especially well-handled when Laurie walks across the street to the house where Lynda and Annie are supposedly and this scene, accompanied by Carpenter's famously eerie electronic score, is a hark back to Vera Miles' similar walk to the Bates House in "Psycho."

What is particularly arresting about "Halloween" is that the characters are not killed immediately - Carpenter lets us observe these teenagers and who they are. The long takes of Laurie, Annie and Lynda walking home from school show us the daily activities and thoughts of teenage girls, oblivious to the unseen terror about to take place. Laurie is not as oblivious, and conveniently sees Michael Myers hiding in bushes, driving by, or standing by his car while she looks from behind windows. The suspense builds with a real pulse eschewing any of the gore or blood that would have diminished its overall power. Those tree-lined avenues of Middle America hide something inexplicable and without emotion, and all Laurie can do is run and cry when she finds that this killer is after her (in a way, Laurie's escape from an unstoppable killer led the way to Linda Hamilton's escape from the unstoppable Schwarzenegger in "The Terminator") There's a terrifying moment where Laurie begs for help from a neighbor, and the neighbor observes and closes her shades, thinking it is a Halloween prank. "Oh, my God! Help," shouts the helpless Laurie.

There is a strain of Catholicism in "Halloween" emanating from its semi-Production Code morals (though the Production Code was eliminated back in the late 50's). The idea is that any teenager girl or boy who has sex or lustful thoughts is killed by Michael Myers. Laurie is the only survivor because she is still a virgin, though she may have lustful thoughts about a guy in her class. "So. You do think about things like that, don't you Laurie," says Annie at one point. The only thing Laurie does that may make her a member of this triad is that she smokes marijuana, yet has more interest in chemistry and studying than any of her friends do. Since this premarital sex-is-a-sin complex began in "Halloween," it became a mode for all rip-offs to follow. You have sex, and you will die, as indicated in the post-modern "Scream." Carpenter has denied this, stating that Laurie is simply more aware of her surroundings than her friends are. I'll go with Carpenter's explanation.

Back in 1978, "Halloween" was made for a low-budget and went on to gross millions of dollars making it the biggest independent film ever (initial reviewers panned it until someone from the Village Voice spoke highly of it). It is a superb motion picture, reveling in its atmospheric, nocturnal pull guaranteed to give you some major shivers. Precisely, what makes this horror film so central to the genre is acknowledging that it is what you don't see that can kill you in the dark.

The real walking dead

DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

When I first saw "Dawn of the Dead," back in 1986, I found it to be a huge disappointment. I loved the original "Night of the Living Dead," and "Dawn" was like a gory second cousin in living color. Remember that I was a teenager at the time and was a big fan of Freddy Krueger (still am). But having watched "Dawn of the Dead" since, I was amazed at how much I missed. "Dawn of the Dead" is a comic horror film, full of satirical touches and director George Romero's own fiery theme of man's inhumanity to man and dead men.

The film does begin rather unevenly. The setting is a TV station (the only one presumably on the air) where the host is arguing back and forth with his guest over the zombies - they are everywhere and are turning the nation into zombies. How can we stop them? Can we study them, perhaps to find what drives the urge to eat humans? The scene is a study in chaos and paranoia, as we also hear the rumblings from the TV crew watching the host and the guest argue vehemently. To make matters worse, the military is in the building (or so I thought - the editing is haphazard but maybe that is the point), and they are busily wiping out every zombie by shooting them in the head. Eventually, after witnessing ten minutes of quick shootings and the rumblings of a priest with a wooden leg, four survivors take off in a helicopter and land on the roof of a shopping mall. All is fine and dandy until they realize that the entire mall is flooded with zombies! So how do you manage to take whatever you want from a mall while fending off zombies who are fascinated by elevators and do a lot of window shopping?

"Dawn of the Dead" has several moments of gore delicately crossed with brazen black humor. The film is a satire of consumerism, and what better place to consume and shop than a shopping mall? The zombies are drawn to this place because they feel they have been there before (and they like to consume as well), and I only wish that director George Romero pursued this idea further. If a zombie can recollect a specific memory by being in a familiar setting, can they think? If so, what channels it? And if they can think, can they see that maybe human flesh is not something to consume? Well, I just posed some existential questions here which Romero may not have thought of, but they went through my mind while watching this film. Most fans of the film will say that this a graphic geek show, designed to entertain and scare the bejesus out of you. It is that, and Romero has successfully managed to do so. But the setting of the film brings other questions to mind, considering this is not a nonstop avalanche of gore. The human survivors of the film stay at the mall for a long period of time, enough time to convert the dressing rooms into bedrooms. They even have a living room and a kitchen - it all looks like an advertisement for "Good Housekeeping." The dawn of America, Romero seems to say, is that the survivors of the Apocalypse will focus on living the good life of rich foods, TV, clothes, and all in great quantities, of course. Oh, and it helps to be armed and ready. The zombies are merely interested in consuming human flesh.

"Dawn of the Dead" is often brilliantly unnerving, fitfully gory and offhandedly scary, using a perfectly bland setting where you would never expect zombies to scour the regions of something so sacred to the American consumer. The ending goes on a bit too long (particularly after seeing Tom Savini, the king of gory makeup, as a motorcycle rebel), and the characters never truly come alive beyond being caricatures with glints of humanity. I must add that you still care enough about them to hope they make it out of the mall alive. "Dawn of the Dead" has a purpose and it fulfills it to a tee - to scare you and to gross you out. It does those things as well as any director could, but it is clear that George Romero has much more on his mind.

Baby Chucky, how cute

SEED OF CHUCKY (2004)

Reviewed by Jerry Saravia

  
Years ago I argued briefly with a friend of mine that the "Lethal Weapon" films got 
progressively worse after number 2 and became comedies. My friend felt that the 
third entry was the best because of the humor. So it goes with sequels. The 
original "Child's Play" was a first-rate thriller about a killer doll with the 
mind of a psychopath (though "Trilogy of Terror" has the scariest doll ever 
seen). Then came "Child's Play 2" and "3" and they were as bad as sequels get. 
Director Ronny Yu injected new life into the series with "Bride of Chucky," 
which came on the heels of the "Scream" postmodernist horror trend. "Bride of 
Chucky" was more funny than scary but it was at least entertaining. "Seed of 
Chucky" is an aberration and an abomination, a movie so awful that I was more 
sickened by it than anything else. I am no prude and I enjoy horror films. 
Horror movie parodies is another matter but "Seed of Chucky" is wildly uneven 
with its mix of blood splatter and bad Hollywood puns that went out of style 
shortly after Robert Altman's "The Player" in 1992.

Consider what I thought this movie was going to be. I thought Chucky (voiced by Brad Dourif) and his bride, Tiffany (voiced by Jennifer Tilly), were going to have a baby (ick!) and discover that the baby was far more murderous and psychotic than they were (at least the teaser trailer seemed to hint that). But the movie begins with a sexually ambiguous doll (voiced by Billy Boyd, yes, from "Lord of the Rings") that runs away in E.T. style from an abusive ventriloquist. The Doll With No Name is looking for his parents and discovers they are Chucky and Tiffany, who are being used as props for a movie called "Chucky Goes Psycho." So the doll brings Chucky and Tiffany back to life thanks to an amulet. Oh, and for students of postmodernist horror, Jennifer Tilly plays herself and Tiffany, and there are precious few digs at Hollywood and at Tilly herself. Then we have rapper Redman as a film director making a movie about the Virgin Mary (a rap song about the Virgin would've been funnier) yet he prefers to cast Julia Roberts over Tilly (once again, the Julia phenomenon was more effectively used in "The Player").

Yes, "Seed of Chucky" has the requisite blood and gore. There's also a Britney Spears look-alike and John Waters as a determined paparazzi. But the movie is not even gruesome fun and stalls at truly mocking Jennifer Tilly and the Hollywood game. What I found were homages to Ed Wood and Brian De Palma, glorified gore, truly lame jokes and in-jokes, and a sickening feeling that the Chucky franchise is far from over.